You Say Mustache and I Say Moustache
Unless they don’t drink milk, everyone has had a mustache at one point or another in their lives. Women who say they don’t like mustaches are just jealous that they can’t have one in any color other than white or chocolate.
A mustache is any strip of hair you grow under your nose. It can be trimmed thin or wide, worn long or short, grown in a continuous strip across the lip or divided by a gap in the middle. Turn the ends up or down, trim the whiskers into a thin line, or leave them to grow free. All variations are welcome in the mustache family.
Who the Mustache Says You Are
A well-groomed mustache represents a sense of style that is confident, strong and distinctive. Particularly when they aren’t so popular in the moment, wearing one means the hell with fashion – you’re a man made for a mustache even if you don’t ride a horse or own a Ferrari 308 GTS.
You Know a Mustache is Right for You if…
- You’re bald and you want to prove that you can grow hair somewhere above your neck.
- You’ve been telling yourself you’ll look good in one.
- You just have to know what it feels like to grow facial hair, but you aren’t all in enough to grow a beard.
- You’re applying for a job with the American Mustache Institute.
- You want to show your support for the tax proposal before Congress that would give a $250 tax deduction for mustache wearers.
How to Grow a Mustache
You have almost unlimited mustache choices, so don’t go in hoping to be inspired as you cut. Have a plan.
- You should stop shaving your whole face for a minimum of four weeks. (Yes, just like you’re growing a beard.)
- If your facial hair isn’t coming in very thick on your upper lip, you may try shaving you whole face and trying again.
- As your mustache grows, comb it out to loosen the curls and straighten the little hairs. Use a mustache comb. Never ever brush your mustache.
- Get used to the taste of hair, and learn how to detect the presence of leftovers in your ‘stache. It helps to open your mouth extra-wide when you eat things that are likely to pull your mustache into your mouth.
- Get used to people not recognizing you.
How to Groom a Mustache
- Unless you are going for a very bushy style or are compensating for a bald head with a very heavy mustache, the hairs of your mustache should not project over the edge of your upper lip.
- Small details in the shaping can make a big difference in how your ‘stache looks. If the corners of your mustache are turned too far down, you might look you have a constant frown on your face. If the corners are turned too far up, you might look like a clown. Straight lines generally look neutral and neat.
- There are two basic parts to trimming a mustache. One – manage its length. Check the length or the mustache for evenness, regardless of its length. Two- define its shape. Examine your mustache in a mirror (or mirrors) from multiple angles as you trim and shape it.
- Use a good wax or oil to put it in its place.
- Comb it before trimming, after trimming and again after you’ve applied any goop.
- Fu Manchu – A very long-haired mustache that drapes down from the sides of your mouth.
- Handlebar – A mustache worn large or small (“petit handlebar”), and characterized by bushy-ness and hair length long enough to curl the ends upward (styling wax required.)
- Horseshoe – a mustache with long bars pointing downward.
- Chevron - A thick and wide mustache, usually worn long to cover the top border of the upper lip.